“Anything to declare?” asked the Canada customs official.
Such a loaded question! They should really consider rephrasing that standard question asked by border services agents of all international travelers. You’re asking a woman if she has anything to declare?!
Oh, do I ever! Let’s have a cup of coffee and talk about it! Indeed, I have something to declare!
I’ve taken a few days to reflect upon my experience and learning at a humour writers’ conference I recently attended. I now declare that I was deluged with new inspiration while at the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop held bi-annually at the University of Dayton in Dayton, Ohio. By the way, you may not know this but the word deluge is a French term for being word-swarmed. But you know, there are advantages to being deluged, or word-swarmed – in addition to all the mind-blowing quotes I garnered from the speakers, I was able to pick up a few gems from the attendees too. For example:
Boom Boom Boys:
File this under “It’s Not What You Think …”. Please just know that I will be petitioning Drum Corps International to reschedule their 2016 competition not to coincide with the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop.
Beta reader:
This is not the video player predecessor to VHS, but instead an indispensable trusted confidant who will read your work and provide you with much needed feedback before publishing (but not a professional editor, qually indispensable).
The FuckItBucket:*
I-am-so-done-tormenting-myself-over– useless -crap…
The Dayton Dribbler :
Not to be confused with the University of Dayton basketball team’s March Madness success, but rather the highly over-rated Marriott shower pressure.
The Quiet Zone :
Can we not all just agree that sleep is for sissies, retirees, and that man in 14C on UA4461? Also, is probably not the best gathering place for the Boom Boom Boys.
Ermatologist, Bombeckian, Bombie, Ermite, Bombette :
One of a massive throng of several hundred women (and eighteen men) ravishingly beautiful, startling witty and extraordinarily talented writers.
“Ma’am, anything to declare?” the customs official repeated.
I have words to declare, sir. Enough words to sustain me through many writing projects.
And with that, my passport is stamped – a most noteworthy and emphatic endorsement of my efforts – and I am on my way.
This post was brought to you by a deluge of words and inspired by an amazing coffee cup.
* Okay, look. I know I don’t usually swear on my blog, and actually rarely swear at all, but when I heard this phrase, I fell in love with it and can’t seem to stop thinking about it. And since I am now over the age of fifty, I can put ‘restraint’ in my FuckItBucket.
12 Responses to “Anything to declare?”
Love this, you clever witty woman! 🙂
I was engulfed by clever witty women 🙂
Well, I do declare, that was a fine little story!
Thank you ma’am!!
What a beautiful and clever piece. You really do know how to tie things together in a most amusing way. So happy we had the little time we had together in Dayton. I shall try to be more quiet at the next one…
Thanks Amy! Oh you sissie – We don’t go to Erma for peace and quiet 🙂
I envy you so- and am happy that you had such an experience. Thanks toy our posts, we oldies were able to follow your joys and inspirations. Among them, that “buckit” may be the most useful thing I take away from your entry.
So glad you liked this! You would make a great faculty member there!!!
*snort* Well said!
Thanks 🙂
Astra, I do declare that “fuckitbucket” is now part of my everyday vocabulary! hee hee! 🙂
Liberating!