A. It’s 10am and you’re at a hockey arena, so yes, it’s too much to ask. Honestly though, did you really want a cup of canteen coffee? Brewed 2 hours ago? By a surly, hungover teenager? Or better yet, a surly, hungover hockey parent who volunteered to run the canteen the morning after the office Christmas party? If you were hoping for a chipper, “what can I get started for you today?” followed by a silky smooth and frothy caramel latte, better keep the engine running. Uh-uh. It ain’t here.
Q. Is it too much to ask for one of the stalls to have toilet paper?
A. I’ll answer that with another question: You found a washroom in a hockey arena with functioning [indoor] plumbing? Wow! Good on you! Honestly, were you actually thinking of going to the washroom in a public hockey arena? That’s tantamount to taking a pee at a roadside picnic area in late July . Uh uh. Not recommended. Just hold it. Next you’ll be asking, “is it too much to ask for there to be soap in the soap dispenser, water that doesn’t scald you or congeal your fingers, or a working hand dryer?” Sheesh.
Q. Is it too much to ask for the heaters to be on in the spectator stands?
A. Didn’t anyone tell you? The heaters only come on the last week of March when the municipality realizes it still has 100% of its indoor heating budget remaining. The heaters will then come on full blast to help melt the ice surface scheduled to be removed first week of April. Suck it up, buttercup.
Q. Is it too much to ask for my kid to be one of the first out of the dressing room instead of the last?
A. If you ask your kid to be one of the first out, I guarantee s/he’ll be the last out. Keep your mouth shut and go warm up the car! I pay my kid cash to be in the top 5…
I know. There is still so much to learn about being a hockey parent. I hope you found this Q&A helpful.