In a parallel universe, I am a witty humour writer that spends her day penning clever repertoire making up my own deadlines and taking commercial breaks from my scintillating radio talk show about hockey moms. Back on earth, however, the day-to-day me has a real day job. And the day-to-day me has spent the past three days at health and safety certification training (it’s true: I need to work on my rock-paper-scissors technique). Three days… 24 hours … I’ll just never get those back. Three days of the Occupational Health and Safety Act, important regulations for the service sector, duties and responsibilities of employers, supervisors, workers and certified members of the joint health and safety committee.
Note the last phrase: certified members of the joint health and safety committee. That would be me. First, however, I must successfully pass the test which was administered at the end of the course. Does anyone else still stress over the word “test” years after graduation? I did a little gulp when I discovered that our class was being administered four different tests. Yeah, I know! I could not even count on my colleague – she was given a different test! My goodness, these government folk are clever. Anyway, no need to angst, the test was a breeze, a cinch, un morceau de gateaux. Allow me to provide you with an abbreviated version of the test just in case you’re ever called upon to do health and safety certification training. I’m sure you’ll agree how entirely accurate were my answers when asked to define the following terms:
Certified: Okay, you mean any “mom”, right?
Competent person: A competent person is someone who can feed the dogs, order pizza, and pour my wine, – at the same time. Come to think of it, this goes beyond competence. This would be true talent.
Internal Responsibility System – Is this the principle behind my friend flushing my car keys down the toilet the minute I arrive at her house? Or is this the one where my husband asks me if I’m coming home or planning on sleeping under that table all night?
Dangerous circumstance: A dangerous circumstance refers to a situation in which I wake up and find out we’re all out of coffee. Not good. Very dangerous circumstance.
Confined space: A confined space is a fully or partially enclosed space not designed or constructed for human occupancy – aka what passes for the bedroom my two teenage sons share.
Exposure Limit – When my eyes start to water when exposed to my boys’ “confined space”, I know I have reached my maximum Exposure Limit. The current Time Weighted Average limit (or TWA) is 0.05 seconds. Should Expsoure Limit be reached, please refer procedures outlines in Regulation 632, section 17 regarding Preventing Unauthorized Entry.
WHMIS – Refers to current available wine supply (Women’s HomeMade Intoxicating System)
There you have it! Pretty impressive, don’t ya think? I sure hope I passed!. My employer will be so proud.