Once upon a time, standing in line waiting to pay for my weekly groceries was the most frustrating waste of time imaginable.  Waiting.  Waiting.  No matter which line I choose, it’s the wrong one.  I love listening to the cashier’s idle chit chat.  Or better:  listening to the patron in front of me idly chit chatting WITH the cashier.  I am totally up to speed now following a stimulating debate on the merits of a proposed new stop light at South Riverand Main Streets.  I hadn’t realized the crimes of those responsible for the escalating price of blueberries.  I would have something enlightening to add but for the fact that I was totally engrossed in what new heights of drama trap Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.  As my turn finally comes, I strategically place my groceries on the belt:  frozen foods first, followed by dairy, then pantry items, fruits and veg, with bread and eggs taking up the rear (okay, don’t judge me).  The teenagers don’t always bag them according to my established template, but they are learning to follow my instructions which I offer very patiently, given the constructive time I’ve now spent in line.

Now, another new level of frustration is rapidly encroaching upon my ever-so-ample free time:  the “dead” time I face when dealing with my computer!  I cannot believe the amount of time I spend upgrading browsers, downloading files, and installing new programs onto my computer.  It seems to take – as my daughter would say – forEVER!  I’m always optimistic that the computer is being honest with me as it reassuringly informs me “This might take a few moments…”  Then, I obediently sit there, doing nothing, but watch that ubiquitous little bar inch its way s l o w l y .from left to right.  I would have finished my memoir by now if not for the time computer is unavailable to me!!  After a few more wasted precious moments (see? the computer was lying), I start to second guess myself:  I probably just installed a virus, didn’t I?  This new program or website is now having a feeding frenzy on my hard drive, isn’t it?  I pray that little red X icon doesn’t appear signaling an epic fail in my attempt to be totally up to speed.  And how about that pleasant time spending trying to determine why, for no apparent reason, the internet goes down.  Suddenly.  Without warning.  In the middle of a critical email to a my daughter’s 6th Grade teacher about her overdue library book fine (clearly her older brothers never signed a single book out of their middle school library as I was not even aware middles school libraries charged overdue book fines)!!

This, of course, prompts new heights of wasted while I misdiagnosing my internet connectivity issues.  That poor soul on the end of the Customer Care line has spent four years in a post secondary computer engineering program in order to sagaciously guide me through the following highly technical instructions:  unplug your modem, wait 30 seconds, plug it back in, and try again.  Hey, what do you know?!  He was right!  Damn, if that wasn’t four years well spent.  And the four years he spent at university were also probably constructive.  However, this seems to do the trick, 90% of the time.  So I can now quickly get back to that upgrade I need off the internet…

Still downloading …

Still checking for updates …

Still installing…

Still finishing set-up…

Then, I get the ultimate message signaling success, but that somehow only sets me further over the edge, potentially requiring medication: 

“Please restart your computer now…”

12 Responses to Loading …

  • Love it! Stopping by from SW

  • You are nut. I have to go into my zen mode when in line at the grocery story or I might so something Emily Post would find disagreeable. I don’t want to know about Mick, the check out guy’s date, or why the woman buying groceries gives a damn. I’ve run into the market to pick up something for the dinner I still have to cook….. geez!! See what I mean, Emily would not be please with me if I was pushy. Computers woes…. shoot me, now. I want everything to work automagically, like it does for Mary Poppins. I feel you on this one… Funny, very. (I like how you arrange your groceries on the check out counter).

    • Emily who? Just kidding! Heaven knows I heard HER name often enough growiing up. Did you know she wrote about other things non-etiquette related??? Interesting…

  • Funny. That’s how I load the belt with my groceries, but I only shop when the teen baggers are in school. Load veggies and drain cleaner in the same bag. NO WAY.

    • I know what you’re saying Kelly. I once actually had an experienced clerk bag my groceries according to my ‘template’ without me even asking her! I wonder if I should have tipped her? Thanks for stopping by!

  • I hate that some computer problems require a simple turn the computer off, wait a few seconds, turn the computer on action.

  • This post cracks me up. I’ve been in those checker lines, listening to the benefits of a Target card or hearing a woman in front of me go on and on about the succulent selection of mangoes they have on display. And don’t even get me started on downloading computer programs!

  • I like to think of myself as a pretty easygoing person. But the moment anything happens with my computer, look out! I have made it my personal mission to learn how to fix common problems, but when things go awry, as they inevitably do, I’m impossible to be around.

    As for the grocery line, how else can I be a pop culture consultant if I don’t check out all the mags & rags while I’m waiting to check out?

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About Astra
Ottawa mom of 3 poking fun at myself, motherhood, and minor hockey! I am steering through life dodging stinky hockey gear and empty wine bottles.
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