I recently read a posting on the Hockey Mom in Canada Facebook fanpage asking her readership (all hockey moms) how they recuperate from a busy hockey tournament weekend. Perfect timing since my daughter and I just returned from a hockey tournament weekend. The responses varied somewhat but for the most part focused on selfless motherhood tasks: getting the laundry done, heading out for groceries, making sure they and their family members got caught up on personal hygiene and sleep and – the best one yet – immediately heading back out to an arena for a hockey game of one of their other children.

Holy sweet mothers of Jesus.

After 12 years as a hockey mom, I sure could stand to learn a few things from these candidates for sainthood who put their own exhaustion aside and continue to perform miracles.  I was about to add a few of my post-tournament weekend activities and they just did not seem to complement those that had been posted. In fact, my post-tournament “To-Do” list suggests that I’m on a fast track straight to Hell rather than the pearly gates Heaven.

Boston pizzaOkay, so maybe I don’t run right out and do the groceries. What’s wrong eating eating the leftovers from 4 consecutive Boston Pizza meals and leftover coffee? It’s tough to buy groceries when you know your entire next paycheque is going to the detox program at the Rideauwood Addiction Centre, not to mention paying for at least one speeding ticket on the 401.

Okay, so maybe the kids won’t have clean clothes for school on Monday, but I’ll get to it. First, I have got to talk to my lawyer about my chances for getting off on that Drunk and Disorderly charge from Saturday night’s team dinner. Not sure why the server took offense to my suggesting she was a big pain in my Jack Astor when she wouldn’t serve me my sixth glass of wine. Puhlease, like she’s never heard that before!

Yes, my daughter and I will catch up on some much needed sleep for this past weekend, but not until she helps craft my letter of apology letter to the housekeeping department of the Courtyard Marriott. It’s half her fault the room looked like that anyway, right? And we all know an apology letter from a minor scores more brownie points with head office (and The Jerry Springer Show).

wine bottle binAs for heading right out to another hockey game, well, that’s actually pretty believable, considering that on the way I can return all my empty wine bottles to the recycling centre before my husband counts them. Plus, it will give me just enough time to delete some photos from my camera. Bonus.

And this, People, is why I will never be on The Ellen DeGeneres Show (but for some reason, Jerry Springer won’t leave me alone).

I am seriously out of wine, now.jerry springer

14 Responses to My Weekend Warrior Recovery: Plan B

  • You ARE an extraordinary hickey mom. Great idea having your daughter blow into the ignition breathalizer so you can get back home. Those other mothers are enabling their children’s’ codependency.

  • “Holy sweet mothers of Jesus.” Love it! Well done, my little human hockey mom. As for those pesky wine bottles piling up, just dump them in the neighbors’ recycling bin. Nice piece, Astra!

  • Well, Astra, I would’ve given you that extra glass of wine. I then would’ve poured one for myself! Thanks for the hilarious glimpse into the world of hockey moms!

  • Thank you for sharing in my wine drinking – and my sense of humour 😉

  • Astra, wherever you’re headed, you better believe that you’ll have people laughing and clapping with glee! Sweet mothers of Jesus these women need to get a life. If I could tell them anything, I’d share that no matter how hard you try, no matter how easy you make life for your children, no matter how much you sacrifice, they’ll still whine, moan, and complain that life sucks. Yep, such is motherhood. There are good times and bad times. It’s never one without the other. Thank goodness for wine. Remind me to locate where my recycling bin is. Something tells me that sooner or later the neighbors are going to notice I keep dumping my bottles in their bin! hee hee! 🙂

  • Seems like you may not be a candidate for the Pearly Gates, but holy sweet mother of Jesus, you get my vote for the hockey mom I most like to have a glass (or six) of wine with. My “mom duty days” are pretty much over so I’m living vicariously through your hockey adventures. The view from my couch is pretty good. Loved the post.

  • I was chuckling the whole time I read this. You’re awesome, Astra. I’d have a glass of wine with you anytime.

  • Every time I read your tales I am awed (after I chuckle) by your endurance. I would have opened a couple bottles. Have I mentioned Moms scare me? I am ever and always be a mom on training wheels.

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About Astra
Ottawa mom of 3 poking fun at myself, motherhood, and minor hockey! I am steering through life dodging stinky hockey gear and empty wine bottles.
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