Did I tell you I’m a hockey mom?  I’m pretty excited for this season, now that all my three kids are now all finally settled on to their respective hockey teams.  I have one playing Minor Midget RepB, another playing Bantam House A and my youngest, my daughter, playing Peewee House.  All goalies.  Yes, as a matter of fact I am in the market for a new flask, thanks for asking! Have you seen these?  On my Christmas wish list but not sure if I can wait that long! Not sure if I can make it past this weekend!

Nevertheless, there are some new parents on our three teams and given that I am a pro (it’s pretty much official:  I’ve now been circulating the arena scene much longer than I ever circulated the night club scene), I think it’s only fair I warn them about my Top Hockey Parent Peeves.  Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental (but you know who you are):

Peeve #1:

If you insist on repeatedly pointing out to all parents on our team, that your child had about 30 seconds less ice time than any of the other players you will be voted off my Zamboni waaaay before the tribe has spoken (and my zamboni has a marguerita maker … your loss!).  I’m pretty sure the coach will do his or her best to even it out over the next 42,420 seconds of possible game time over the course of the season.

Pet Peeve #2

If you’re that good a coach, why aren’t you behind the bench?  Uh, maybe it’s because you’re not actually that good a coach.  If you insist on coaching your kid from the stands, I will give you the stink eye.  If you yell, “Kill him!” more than once a season (we all make mistakes), I may have to kill you myself. 

 Peeve #3 

C’mon, be serious.  The ref might NOT actually need glasses, might NOT be skating with his eyes closed and is probably perfectly aware of the fact there are two teams on the ice.  This is not a full time gig for them, you know.  If the referees were really that great, do you honestly think they’d still be officiating minor league hockey games earning $20 a game?  Therefore, as h-u-m-a-n, they might actually miss the occasional hook, trip, offside or kicked-in goal.  Give them – and me – a break, please.

Peeve #4 

You needn’t incessantly point out that your kid is better than everyone else’s.  We get it:  s/he’s good.  But we’re all crazy hockey parents here and believe me, if your kid is really that good, s/he would be playing one or two levels up, as you insist s/he should be.  If you actually think you kid is going to the NHL, let me ask you this:  How many kids play hockey in Canada?  Answer:  almost all of them (okay, but I’m sure I’m close).  How many kids make it to the NHL?  Answer:  almost none of them.  Here’s a plan:  start saving for your retirement. 

Peeve #5 

Plastic wine glasses.  I have a travel wine glass and a portable frig that holds exactly 3 bottles of wine (and perhaps some milk and juice for my kids).  What does this have to do with hockey (actually, nothing; like most of my posts about hockey)?  There are a lot of compromises I will make while staying at the Super8 Motel while at hockey tournaments, but drinking out of plastic is not one of them.  I have standards.  Please don’t call me a princess – you and your sweaty beer can dripping with condensation will just have to get over it.  And please don’t break my wine glass.

You see?  I am a very reasonable hockey mom!  I’m here to have fun … just like your child, by the way.  Avoid these pet peeves of mine, and we shall all have a lovely season. 

Game on!

10 Responses to The season is set to begin…

  • I know that Canadians take their hockey very seriously, Astra :-). And it’s always good to remind parents behind any kids’ team sports to watch their p’s & q’s ~

  • The excellent reasons you provide Astra are the reasons I never became a hockey mum; I think I would have definately hurt somebody!!
    I’ve never really understood the obsession Canadians have with hockey. English people are obsessed with soccer, but when its time for the news it takes presidence over sport! I’m sure hockey is good for the kids, but don’t think I could have taken the pressure…

    • You’re right, Elizabeth it’s an obsession – and as with all obsessions, very difficult to explain! But truth be told, the great hockey parentsI have met and with whom I have remained friends far outnumber those that I chose to write about this time. You’ve been in Canada long enought now – don’t you agree we need something exciting to do over those dready 8 months called “winter”? Thanks, as always, for stopping by!!

  • Astra – Have I told you I would rather drink a bottle of Liquid White Out than watch any sporting event. I loathe them. I grew up in LA and was drug to numerous Laker and Angel games (no brothers). Dad, bless his heart, was hoping sis and I would share his passions. She did, but clearly I did not. Still, having my own kids I am forced to endure soccer, so I can relate to your peeves. It’s about the kids.. not the adults. I never understood the crazy behavior of some parents, really. I feel for the kids. Last year my boy’s team went all the way to state finals. The last few games were played under black skies and torrential rains (yes I was there, cussing under my breath). You should have seen the parents, they were horrible, screaming and yelling at those kids and fighting between themselves. It wasn’t a happy day for some of the kids.

    • Congratulations to your boy, Brenda. What we do for our children! Have I told you we were supposed to be a skiing family, not a hockey family! I took up skiing as it was my now husband-then-boyfriend’s favourite thing in the whole wide world (actually, i took up skiing for the apres-ski!). We had some wonderful family ski vacations until somehow hockey crept into our world 12 years ago. We still try to do both though it is a challenge (even though we have a very looooong winter).

  • Astra, I have no comments about hockey in Canada or advice for dealing with the kids. Why? Cause I’m still gaga over the girly pink whiskey flask, that’s why! OMG, it’s adorable! I want one and I don’t even drink whiskey. However, I would have to agree with your need to drink wine out of a wine glass and not a plastic cup. I mean, seriously. Are we civilized wine drinkers or not? That said, were I to be a hockey mom, I would need wine, and lots of it, to avoid fainting at the thought of my child getting struck in the face with a hockey stick. Or worse, with a hockey puck! You are my hero! Game on! 🙂

    • Bella, they wear so much protective gear, I’m surprised they can even get up after they’ve fallen down (I couldn’t). I am most fortunate that my kids have never had a *serious* injury due to hockey (am knocking on all sorts of wood here, now). Sad to say when I DO get my girly pink whisky flask, someone will probably write a nasty post about ME!

  • My husband is a former hockey player, as are all his childhood/adolescent buds. I remember going to a few hockey games in high school, and I remember thinking, “My God, what is wrong with these parents? Crazy, I tell you, just plain crazy!” My husband can probably attest to the fact that the parents at his games were just as crazy as well. And your pet peeves outline exactly what I mean by crazy. My husband’s going to get our older son into skating this winter (he’s 3 – too young?), so I’m guessing there will be many hockey games in my future as well.

    • Yes, Laura – crazy, What you’ll be calling yourself in a year’s time or so when you’re hauling your butt outta bed for 6a practices 🙂
      PS All three of my kids have been playing organized hockey since they were 4 so I think your husband’s scheme is right on schedule!!

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About Astra
Ottawa mom of 3 poking fun at myself, motherhood, and minor hockey! I am steering through life dodging stinky hockey gear and empty wine bottles.
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